Conversations about easy and difficult things, both can propose a situation that can be hard to monitor yourself and how you are coming off to the people around you. However, its our job to learn how to keep our peers safe and cared for when having conversations, so this can be a skill we are all continuously learning. (Including me typing this (sorry for breaking the fourth wall)). For many people this self-monitoring can cause a lot of anxiety, so we want to make sure when we do make conversation -especially with new people- that we keep our expectations from the conversation in mind, and not push people to go beyond where they have led the conversation. If a conversation is ending, or someone seems disinterested, its okay to ask them if they are in a position to have/continue the conversation, remind them this comes without pressure to continue. 

When we have these weird communication events called talking in-person we keep in mind a few things: 1- Do I like/want or need to have this conversation? If yes then remind yourself of the expectations you have for the conversations and how you want to navigate it. Remind yourself that as you navigate the conversation, you need to take into consideration the responses and feelings of the person/people you're engaging. If no then remind yourself you don't have to stay in this conversation, and if at any point you are uncomfortable or uneased, you can try to renavigate the conversation while also setting a boundary about how much you want to discuss and to what length. If this person/people are making you feel unsafe, you have every right to leave the situation, and find the closest source of safety.  2- Is this a conversation that you feel ready to navigate? This question can seem difficult at first, but knowing whether or not you have your facts, information, or your own opinion on something before engaging in the conversation about it- is completely valid. You can take time in any environment to say, "I need to know more before I keep talking," because no matter how much information you have access to, sometimes you have to find more or gather your thoughts about it. We can't know everything all of the time, but we can definitely identify misinformation when we realize we or others may have be misled. 3- Does this conversation inspire/heal/convserve another person or yourself in some way? If yes, that makes sure that when having the conversation you keep yourself and others in mind about how you discuss the source. If you are unable to give full attention, or someone is unable to give you their full attention, this doesn't mean that you, or they, don't care. It means that you are both people with lives that can be on their own stressful or full of things to do. Sometimes personal reasons or differences, keep us from being able to help/talk/discuss certain things and thats okay. It also means that we know when these special conversations are happening that we find a time to give our full attention for the time we've set aside. Being engage with friends, loved ones, family, etc., is shown best by being a good listener, and excited for holding true to the process they are enduring. 

Another key piece to conversation, is remembering all the things you may not know about a person you don't know yet, some people experience: disabilities/ differences, neurodivergency, and anyone could be in a place of mind that is not present due to personal information. Just because any of these things are present, doesn't mean they need to disclose that information with you. Sometimes people have things going on, or that are apart of their life, and neither situation owes you a reason as to why the conversation can't continue, if you feel a need to know that reason/continue. 

1- Are healthy boundaries being set/ or are healthy boundaries being assumed?- 

If the person you are conversing with, (or vice versa) is asking about something private or personal- are they making sure to not assume an answer or put pressure on you to answer if you are uncomfortable. When they (or you) are navigating a difficult/ personal conversation, are they asking about what you're comfortable with sharing, or making sure you are given space to express any boundaries present. Also important to see how others (and yourself) respond to boundaries being set. Sometimes it can seem frustrating, but no person owes you an explanation for the way they choose to assess a discussion. You have every right to set boundaries in communication, sometimes that can take some reiteration or rewording to make sure someone understands. It's important for us to help those who are interested in learning how to care for the conversations we decide to have, rather than get upset when people forget or misunderstand a boundary. We have to learn to remind ourselves of the boundaries our peers set, so that we can best serve them as we want them to serve us in conversation.

2- If the person I am talking to has a large age difference to me (especially if I am younger than 18), a parent of a friend, teacher/professor, is a higher-up coworker/boss, or person I am engaging business with, how do they (& I) handle professional conversations?

If a person you are conversating with has a professional, or expected to hold decorum during your conversations look out for tendencies of being off topics of the need to engage. This can look like asking you personal questions that are more personal than professional, such as topics of sexual nature, topics of extremely comfortable association with you, use of manipulative language -even if not engaged or joked about-, and many other forms. 

You want to look for the green flags: keeping strictly to business, (if you are <18) making sure they mention letting your parents know they texted or reached out to you, letting you have space if you are unable to respond immediately, putting little to no pressure on you to be overtly personal in your answers. These people should also be keeping any stress they are experiencing out of your conversation. When asking for a day off, a boss shouldn't need to ask you why or what the need is. (Of course some coworker relationships will grow over time, its still important to know your rights.) There should be no themes of jealously or anger arising from the conversation at hand that is focused on the response of yourself. Manipulation is often easily played off as beind upset or sad about something that is directly related to them being owed more insight into your life, this is never the case. People who are trying to have healthy conversations should keep your private life in mind, by keeping it out of mind, and reminding themselves that they can't ask you to identify that. 

3- When this person engaged me (if I didn't respond with the want to continue the conversation): 

Did this person make sure to give me space to decide whether or not I wanted to continue to engage? Sometimes people will try their best to keep a conversation going because of the presence of others being low, this isn't a bad tendency and can often be appreciated. But make sure if you do not want to continue the engagement, that you express that explicitly and honestly with as little animosity as possible. If this person does not acknowledge that boundary or end of the conversation, you can choose to re-evaluate the reason why you decided to not engage, or you can re-iterate that fact and walk away or attempt to remove yourself from the situation. It's also okay to call on others around you if someones bothering you to the point of which they are crossing previously set boundaries.

  (If it is a virtual conversation, you can block and often report phone #s, accounts, and close other online routes of communication with the user in question. We also have a page on avoiding predators if you'd like to check that out.)

 It's important that we increase health awareness around the topics of sex, because sexual partners are sharing fluids and bodily contact, which can permanently affect one's health. Being aware of all the health positives and awareness of potential negatives, is what allows for a person to make an informed decision, which is required for proper Consent. No one should ever be pressured into having sex, which includes any type of convincing, talking someone into, or suggesting something should happen. Consent should be clear and enthusiastic, for all partners involved. Someone should never be so caught up in their own pleasure, that another person's pleasure, comfort, or consent is over-ridden or ignored. 

Often people who want to have conversations about sex, are not doing so in a way that is comfortable, consensual, and/or without assumption. These traits can build habits that are predatory, and unsafe for people to engage with. It's vitally important that we learn how to de-sexualize the conversations around sex, so that we can be both clinical and caring about the way we interact with eachother's bodies. If there are people significantly older than you, or that have power over your position in a work place, try to engage in conversations about sex (specifically without your invitation); its likely that they often participate in that type of predatory behavior. 

Often people in community don't want to call out the prevalence of the predatory nature in romantic, platonic, and sexual relationships around them, which can cause direct harm to the community. However, we also have to understand the historical roots of abuse and manipulation of AFAB people, and how most AFAB people are constantly at risk of violence from men. When an AFAB person is pregnant, the most likely way for them to die is murder by a man. 1 in 6 AFAB people have been sexually assaulted; all AFAB people know someone whose been sexually assaulted.  While these often only mention the extremes, all forms of violence, manipulation, abuse, and assault, are never okay; and we should do everything in our power to not let these systems continue to hold power and take hold of over lives. When people are able to manipulate the systems of which a person must live within, there will always be a lack of consent. Even when we believe we are taking the time to care about autonomy, we need to check in with the people around us to see what we can be doing better. Furthermore, when it is safe, we should do what we can to check in with the safe people around us when we are experiencing potentially abusive behaviors from any person. We have seen the extremes of these ideals throughout the darkest times in our human history, however these hateful and abusive ideals still run strong today. Among the many reasons people should take more time getting to know one another and learning the respect that people are willing to have for one another. 

Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their ability to consent and stop unwanted or dangerous behavior from others. 

We want to end this with the important statement: When you want to help vulnerable people, and when you want to help people be vulnerable, those environments will always attract predators. Predators are always actively looking for the types of groups and people that will allow them to flourish. It is important that when we do any work, from education on health to activism in the streets, we have to be eyes wide open for predatory behavior /nature in our peers. When handling that predatory behavior we have to be willing to let people respond to being told they are reproducing predatory behaviors or social constructs that cause harm. We must be able to call out these systems that oppress us by being predatory in our communities.

Learning about the body systems in their entirety has long been stigmatized because of the lack of professional ability to discuss certain topics without having patriarchal/colonial topics/conversations pieces, coming up. It's important that we understand that we all have bodies, and while we all have our differences, many of us face similar issues. Unfortunately, the greater community has made certain topics uncomfortable to talk about with medical professionals, leaving a grave whole of medical issues that have never been discussed. As medicine has continued to evolve, it has continued to leave out female bodies, black bodies, and other demographics they'd rather ignore. 

Medical system (corporation side) has focused on profit rather than treatments for the past 20 years, which has left many people in a lull of being able to discuss these 'taboo' stimagtized issues. Of course we have continued to see a loss in medical access with the recent cut of medicaid and higher insurance premiums. We have to be able to come together as a community, without enabling abuse and manipulation, and discuss these medical problems that we face so medicine facilities and doctors are able to do more research and find the causes of our long-term issues. 

Our parents and grandparents were very scared to discuss their medical history and conditions, due to worry that the government or jobs may use that information as a reason to discriminate against them. We want to acknowledge that this is still an issue, and can always resurface as an even bigger issue. However, we are hoping that this information sets people up to communicate effectively with their doctors, while also maintaining the knowledge that they can look into their issues on their own. Discussing medical issues publicly when you feel confident and able, is something that can help many people. Whether you are just discussing it with friends or posting about it publicly, you are calling attention to medical information you did not have prior, which guarantees there are others like you out there. Our government and billionaire overlords don't want us having access to medical information of any kind, especially easy to comprehend and example experiences that people can quickly access for helpful information on how to get the same help from their doctors, or assistive devices, etc.