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Why should we teach each other and youth how to identify and avoid predators?
Why should we teach each other and youth how to identify and avoid predators?
There can be a lot of misunderstandings when it comes to who and how we are supposed to trust the people around us both as children and in adulthood entering new spaces. There are ways in which the people around us, (typically older than us) can manipulate us into trusting them because of their assumed larger understanding. When people who pose an authority over us, ask for us to do or comply with certain actions, many don't know how to respond. Making sure we are connecting with youth and talking to young adults about the ways that people can manipulate them in the school, workplace, social areas, etc. We want everyone to know how and when to use their voice for protection, and talking about the predators around us is important to keep all people aware of the threat they cause. People are never responsible for the predatory behavior that occur towards them; however, building a strong understanding for how predatory structures continue, will allow us not only to call them out, but uproot the systems that support predatory ideals.
We want to make it clear that avoiding predators can take a lot of work as people can do things such as catfishing, where they pretend to be another person. Please be very careful/ cautious when meeting up with anyone you have met online. Have someone know where and who you were supposed to meet, and for extra safety share you location for the time you are out with those friends.
When you want to help vulnerable people, and when you want to help people be vulnerable, those environments will always attract predators. Predators are always actively looking for the types of groups and people that will allow them to flourish. It is important that when we do any work, from education on health to activism in the streets, we have to be eyes wide open for predatory behavior /nature in our peers. When handling that predatory behavior we have to be willing to let people respond to being told they are reproducing predatory behaviors or social constructs that cause harm. We must be able to call out these systems that oppress us by being predatory in our communities.
We know that just because people are participating in these predatory behaviors, doesn't always make them predator, but reinforcing that predatory behavior is okay, is what will allow the true predators to continue abusing people.
Online
Online
How do we avoid online predators?:
How do we avoid online predators?:
1.) We want to make sure we are steering clear of sites that cause many people may use to profile people, or younger individuals. Our recommendation is to stay off of pornographic sites, sites with random video (or message) chatting, sites that do not guarantee minor safety, and things that have lots of adds built into their sites.
2.) We want to make sure we know what to look for on our more typical social media accounts: Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok, Threads, Twitter, Etc. This means looking for older people of the opposite (and sometimes same) sex, that may follow you, like several posts (and/or comment and interact). They may attempt to message you, or even offer you money. Anytime someone is offering you money, even for a somewhat reasonable reason, make sure you validate the conversation and do NOT share any banking information with someone ion the internet.
3.) Lastly, when talking to people you DO know, make sure you monitor your conversation and think about what is reasonably appropriate. We want to avoid unsolicited pictures or messages that are not of topic to what you believed to be reasonable in the conversation. Lastly, if you or someone else is sending nude photos, remember that if you are under the age of 18, that it is considered possession and distribution of child pornography. So please don't share photos of yourself without proper age of consent and following safety guidelines.
How do we report an Online Predator?:
How do we report an Online Predator?:
1.) Many apps will have built in features to report people for hate speech, harassment, abuse, and predatory remarks or actions. This means that anytime you find or have an interaction with an online predator, that you should seek those resources and report them. They will continue to go after others as well, so reporting does help everyone.
1.) Many apps will have built in features to report people for hate speech, harassment, abuse, and predatory remarks or actions. This means that anytime you find or have an interaction with an online predator, that you should seek those resources and report them. They will continue to go after others as well, so reporting does help everyone.
2.) Police Departments can also handle online stalking, abuse, harrassment, etc. There is a lot that the Police Department can do, but sometimes it does take getting into legal actions on your behalf. If you feel the need to do so at least reach out in case they have been waiting for more more evidence in order to charge that individual. Of course we understand that not everyone has equal access to the resources that the police department provides, and this may not be available.
In Public
In Public
How do we handle predatory acts in public?:
How do we handle predatory acts in public?:
1.) If we can obtain photos, license plates, or evidence of harassment in public, we do so!
2.) If you are able to contact the security of the venue, restaurant, or area you are at do so. If you feel as though this needs to be done silently for your safety, go to the bathroom and tell anyone who is in there you story quickly, and what exactly they should tell the hostess, manager, server, venue workers, etc. (This would include if you would like someone to notify authorities or the police.) Remember, if you scream or signal to others in a crowded area, someone is likely to help separate you from the predator.
3.) Please make sure you are taking all necessary precautions to keep yourself safe, but not being alarming the person you believe may want to hurt you. This means making sure you are not profiling someone based on structural systems such as racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. These socially oppressed groups are often over reported for crimes that they don't commit and it can put their life in danger to report them. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't report people to the police if you are believed to be in immanent danger, regardless of the predators identity. We just want to keep a reminder that sometimes we have to check our profiling of others.
In Secluded Areas
In Secluded Areas
How do we handle predatory actions in private or secluded areas?:
How do we handle predatory actions in private or secluded areas?:
1.) We want to make sure we avoid the more dangerous of these situation by always letting someone, anyone you can trust, know where you are- especially when meeting someone you don't know well yet. This can be done with without disclosing why or how you are getting there, but it's important to give names and addresses. You never want to be in a situation where your trusted loved ones don't know where you were last.
2.) If you are in a secluded situation where you feel uncomfortable its important to do your best to let someone know so they can tentatively send help if needed. Sending your location can be easier than ever these days, so in a moment of uncertainty sending the location you are at to a friend is never a bad idea. Make sure that you know you can always exit an uncomfortable situation, and if you are feeling unsafe to do so, go ahead and contact emergency or otherwise assistive services to get you out of that situation.
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
It's important that we increase health awareness around the topics of sex, because sexual partners are sharing fluids and bodily contact, which can permanently affect one's health. Being aware of all the health positives and awareness of potential negatives, is what allows for a person to make an informed decision, which is required for proper Consent. No one should ever be pressured into having sex, which includes any type of convincing, talking someone into, or suggesting something should happen. Consent should be clear and enthusiastic, for all partners involved. Someone should never be so caught up in their own pleasure, that another person's pleasure, comfort, or consent is over-ridden or ignored.
Often people who want to have conversations about sex, are not doing so in a way that is comfortable, consensual, and/or without assumption. These traits can build habits that are predatory, and unsafe for people to engage with. It's vitally important that we learn how to de-sexualize the conversations around sex, so that we can be both clinical and caring about the way we interact with eachother's bodies. If there are people significantly older than you, or that have power over your position in a work place, try to engage in conversations about sex (specifically without your invitation); its likely that they often participate in that type of predatory behavior.
Often people in community don't want to call out the prevalence of the predatory nature in romantic, platonic, and sexual relationships around them, which can cause direct harm to the community. However, we also have to understand the historical roots of abuse and manipulation of AFAB people, and how most AFAB people are constantly at risk of violence from men. When an AFAB person is pregnant, the most likely way for them to die is murder by a man. 1 in 6 AFAB people have been sexually assaulted; all AFAB people know someone whose been sexually assaulted. While these often only mention the extremes, all forms of violence, manipulation, abuse, and assault, are never okay; and we should do everything in our power to not let these systems continue to hold power and take hold of over lives. When people are able to manipulate the systems of which a person must live within, there will always be a lack of consent. Even when we believe we are taking the time to care about autonomy, we need to check in with the people around us to see what we can be doing better. Furthermore, when it is safe, we should do what we can to check in with the safe people around us when we are experiencing potentially abusive behaviors from any person. We have seen the extremes of these ideals throughout the darkest times in our human history, however these hateful and abusive ideals still run strong today. Among the many reasons people should take more time getting to know one another and learning the respect that people are willing to have for one another.
Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their ability to consent and stop unwanted or dangerous behavior from others.
We want to end this with the important statement: When you want to help vulnerable people, and when you want to help people be vulnerable, those environments will always attract predators. Predators are always actively looking for the types of groups and people that will allow them to flourish. It is important that when we do any work, from education on health to activism in the streets, we have to be eyes wide open for predatory behavior /nature in our peers. When handling that predatory behavior we have to be willing to let people respond to being told they are reproducing predatory behaviors or social constructs that cause harm. We must be able to call out these systems that oppress us by being predatory in our communities.
Unwanted Sexual Advances:
Unwanted Sexual Advances:
Unwanted Sexual Advance are hard to categorize for some folks, but its important to us to acknowledge that once your lack of consent has been communicated, there is nothing that should compel a person to continue to seek sexual advances with you. While we believe consent should be the forefront of all sexual advances, we know that is not always the case. Make if you ever encounter something like this that you notify the other people around you of the consistent harassment.
If you are at work notify your Human Resources Department or other trustable managers; and decide if you would be willing to return to your job in-person until it is properly handled.
Manipulation:
Manipulation:
Manipulation of circumstances surronding someones actions can be a form of sexual violence that is often overlooked. Manipulation can look like refusing to wear a condom, or discussing recent STD testing results. Manipulation can look like discussing what you're wearing or how you present yourself as a reason for unconsensual sexual advances. Manipulation can also be how someone treats you at different times or differences phases of yourself. We want to make sure that we include manipulation as a form of sexual violence to call out how it assists in the other forms of sexual violence one may experience.
Excessive Interest in Children: Perpetrators may display an unusually high level of interest in children, seeking out opportunities to be alone with them or engage in activities involving children.
Inappropriate Boundaries: Watch for individuals who consistently violate personal boundaries with children, such as invading their personal space or engaging in inappropriate touching.
Grooming Behaviors: Perpetrators often employ grooming tactics to build trust with both the child and their caregivers. This can include giving excessive gifts, providing special attention, or exploiting vulnerabilities.
Secretive Behavior: Be cautious of individuals who are excessively secretive about their interactions with children, avoiding open communication or transparency with parents or guardians.
Frequent Isolation with a Child: If someone consistently isolates a child from their peers or family, it may be a cause for concern. Perpetrators often exploit isolation to engage in abusive behavior without detection.
Manipulative Techniques: Look out for individuals who use manipulation to coerce or control a child. This can involve emotional manipulation, convincing the child to keep secrets, or using intimidation tactics.
Inappropriate Sexualized Behavior: Keep an eye on any adult displaying inappropriate sexual behavior or making sexually suggestive comments around children.
Excessive Interest in Child Pornography: Individuals with a predilection for child sexual abuse may exhibit an abnormal interest in child pornography. This is a red flag that demands immediate attention.
Changes in a Child's Behavior: Pay attention to sudden changes in a child's behavior, such as withdrawal, aggression, fearfulness, or regression in developmental milestones. These changes may be indicative of abuse.
Unwillingness to Let the Child Set Boundaries: A potential perpetrator may disregard a child's discomfort or reluctance to engage in certain activities, insisting on their own desires instead.
How do I know If I am having an appropriate conversation?
How do I know If I am having an appropriate conversation?
1- Are healthy boundaries being set/ or are healthy boundaries being assumed?-
If the person you are conversing with, (or vice versa) is asking about something private or personal- are they making sure to not assume an answer or put pressure on you to answer if you are uncomfortable. When they (or you) are navigating a difficult/ personal conversation, are they asking about what you're comfortable with sharing, or making sure you are given space to express any boundaries present. Also important to see how others (and yourself) respond to boundaries being set. Sometimes it can seem frustrating, but no person owes you an explanation for the way they choose to assess a discussion. You have every right to set boundaries in communication, sometimes that can take some reiteration or rewording to make sure someone understands. It's important for us to help those who are interested in learning how to care for the conversations we decide to have, rather than get upset when people forget or misunderstand a boundary. We have to learn to remind ourselves of the boundaries our peers set, so that we can best serve them as we want them to serve us in conversation.
2- If the person I am talking to has a large age difference to me (especially if I am younger than 18), a parent of a friend, teacher/professor, is a higher-up coworker/boss, or person I am engaging business with, how do they (& I) handle professional conversations?
If a person you are conversating with has a professional, or expected to hold decorum during your conversations look out for tendencies of being off topics of the need to engage. This can look like asking you personal questions that are more personal than professional, such as topics of sexual nature, topics of extremely comfortable association with you, use of manipulative language -even if not engaged or joked about-, and many other forms.
You want to look for the green flags: keeping strictly to business, (if you are <18) making sure they mention letting your parents know they texted or reached out to you, letting you have space if you are unable to respond immediately, putting little to no pressure on you to be overtly personal in your answers. These people should also be keeping any stress they are experiencing out of your conversation. When asking for a day off, a boss shouldn't need to ask you why or what the need is. (Of course some coworker relationships will grow over time, its still important to know your rights.) There should be no themes of jealously or anger arising from the conversation at hand that is focused on the response of yourself. Manipulation is often easily played off as beind upset or sad about something that is directly related to them being owed more insight into your life, this is never the case. People who are trying to have healthy conversations should keep your private life in mind, by keeping it out of mind, and reminding themselves that they can't ask you to identify that.
3- When this person engaged me (if I didn't respond with the want to continue the conversation):
Did this person make sure to give me space to decide whether or not I wanted to continue to engage? Sometimes people will try their best to keep a conversation going because of the presence of others being low, this isn't a bad tendency and can often be appreciated. But make sure if you do not want to continue the engagement, that you express that explicitly and honestly with as little animosity as possible. If this person does not acknowledge that boundary or end of the conversation, you can choose to re-evaluate the reason why you decided to not engage, or you can re-iterate that fact and walk away or attempt to remove yourself from the situation. It's also okay to call on others around you if someones bothering you to the point of which they are crossing previously set boundaries.
(If it is a virtual conversation, you can block and often report phone #s, accounts, and close other online routes of communication with the user in question. We also have a page on avoiding predators if you'd like to check that out.)
Abusive Behaviors and Domestic Violence:
Abusive Behaviors and Domestic Violence:
This page has a step by step list of different kinds of abuse and how to recognize it within a relationship. It has very helpful resources, and is based in the United Kingdom, allowing some Americans peace-of-mind when using this resource. Of course they are unable to directly help, their resources are much better than whats available to USA citizens.
Man Vs. Bear (linked Wiki): There was a time when the internet had a frenzy over this question that upset a lot of the men in the social communities. Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear? The question was asked and answered and explained by hundreds of people around the world in social media. However, men and women had very different answers. Women were much more comfortable with the idea of being alone with a bear rather than a man. There were many reasons for this, the main one being, the worse thing the bear can do is kill me, what a man can do could be much worse. This is historically accurate, but the men were still pretty upset with this notion. It's important that when we think about our time in secluded areas, that we remind ourselves of all the ways our placement can affect other people. Whether we are man or woman, we all know the violence that can occur at the hands of evil men, often due to patriarchy and white supremacy, can hurt us all worse than what a bear is capable of.
Other pages like this:
Other pages like this:
There is more research being done to finish this page, please be patient with us.
There is more research being done to finish this page, please be patient with us.
If you would like to help us write about commonly silenced areas or personal experiences you may have with these topics, contact us at thisisactivism2023@gmail.com or fill out our Comments page. We want our website to be a continuous growth of knowledge to share with each other in a positive way. There are so many things we don't talk about and we should!
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