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We know this is a stressful time, we hope that our resources are able to bring some comfort in this unstable time. We are experiencing this together!
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer:
This page includes written definitions of many words and experiences that can be traumatizing for some, and should be read with caution. These crimes are not to be taken lightly, and should be talked about with the utmost respect for victims. Sexual violence experiences are never smaller or bigger than another, and for each person will be different and handled in their own way. It's important that while reading this page you keep in mind the horrifying fear that people experience going through these crimes and how that can impact someone. Just because some forms of this harassment are not fatal, do not negate the trauma that someone experiences. We consider relationship-based (domestic) violence to be a intimately scary and impactful experience, often felt as sexual violence due to the nature of relation or expectation of providing emotional, sexual, or physical support. Of course we know that relationship-based violence can come in many forms including those that are not considered sexual or romantic relationships. When it comes to this type of interpersonal/relationship-based violence, we often see that the systems and contructs that hold up discrimination/oppression, are implemented to make there harm and impact more effective. This means that even if a relationship isn't labelled or experienced as romantic and sexual, that violence in the ways of misogyny, sexism, and sexual/emotional expectation can still be apart of any relationship-based violence.
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
It's important that we increase health awareness around the topics of sex, because sexual partners are sharing fluids and bodily contact, which can permanently affect one's health. Being aware of all the health positives and awareness of potential negatives, is what allows for a person to make an informed decision, which is required for proper Consent. No one should ever be pressured into having sex, which includes any type of convincing, talking someone into, or suggesting something should happen. Consent should be clear and enthusiastic, for all partners involved. Someone should never be so caught up in their own pleasure, that another person's pleasure, comfort, or consent is over-ridden or ignored.
Often people who want to have conversations about sex, are not doing so in a way that is comfortable, consensual, and/or without assumption. These traits can build habits that are predatory, and unsafe for people to engage with. It's vitally important that we learn how to de-sexualize the conversations around sex, so that we can be both clinical and caring about the way we interact with eachother's bodies. If there are people significantly older than you, or that have power over your position in a work place, try to engage in conversations about sex (specifically without your invitation); its likely that they often participate in that type of predatory behavior.
Often people in community don't want to call out the prevalence of the predatory nature in romantic, platonic, and sexual relationships around them, which can cause direct harm to the community. However, we also have to understand the historical roots of abuse and manipulation of AFAB people, and how most AFAB people are constantly at risk of violence from men. When an AFAB person is pregnant, the most likely way for them to die is murder by a man. 1 in 6 AFAB people have been sexually assaulted; all AFAB people know someone whose been sexually assaulted. While these often only mention the extremes, all forms of violence, manipulation, abuse, and assault, are never okay; and we should do everything in our power to not let these systems continue to hold power and take hold of over lives. When people are able to manipulate the systems of which a person must live within, there will always be a lack of consent. Even when we believe we are taking the time to care about autonomy, we need to check in with the people around us to see what we can be doing better. Furthermore, when it is safe, we should do what we can to check in with the safe people around us when we are experiencing potentially abusive behaviors from any person. We have seen the extremes of these ideals throughout the darkest times in our human history, however these hateful and abusive ideals still run strong today. Among the many reasons people should take more time getting to know one another and learning the respect that people are willing to have for one another.
Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their ability to consent and stop unwanted or dangerous behavior from others.
We want to end this with the important statement: When you want to help vulnerable people, and when you want to help people be vulnerable, those environments will always attract predators. Predators are always actively looking for the types of groups and people that will allow them to flourish. It is important that when we do any work, from education on health to activism in the streets, we have to be eyes wide open for predatory behavior /nature in our peers. When handling that predatory behavior we have to be willing to let people respond to being told they are reproducing predatory behaviors or social constructs that cause harm. We must be able to call out these systems that oppress us by being predatory in our communities.
What is Rape?
What is Rape?
Rape: Any unconsensual sexual activity, that traditionally includes "forced penetration" this can be with genitalia, hands, or other objects. Rape can occur to men, women, and nonbinary people; however, an overwhelming majority of this crime is committed against to people assigned female at birth, traditionally seen as women. Rape non-traditionally, is understood as any unwanted or forced touching and interaction with a person's body/genitalia and reproductive oprans. It's an unfortunate reality that there are thousands of ways, traditionally men and people who embody toxic-masculinity, have raped and are motivated to rape the people around them. We know that for each person sexual assault or inappropriate sexual conduct can be hard to define or categorize for ourselves and others, when trying to hold people accountable. There is no reason to allow rape to go unnoticed or kept quiet; of course, we understand that reporting may not always be an option for people, we want to make sure that we consider rape and other sexual misconduct to be taken seriously and publicly as to shed light on the often occurrence of these crimes.
Traits/Attributes of Rape and Sexual Assault:
Lack of Consent: If a person is not consenting, incapable of consenting, and/or did not have the proper information to be able to consent to sexual interaction.
Lack of Care: No interest in providing care tasks or no participation in aftercare, objectifying people.
Lack of Consciousness: If a person is unresponsive, asleep, or incapacitated in anyway.
Lack of Safety: No care or consciousness that would allow for participants in the sexual interaction to properly prioritize safety and consent to participating in potentially risky behaviors.
Dominance over Another person in an unhealthy and unconsensual way.
Predatory and dangerous behaviors, constructs, and ideologies being implimented/assigned.
What is Sexual Violence?
What is Sexual Violence?
Sexual Violence is a form of violence and/or possible continued violence that is done by assaulting someone verbally, electronically, physically, mentally, etc. ___ Sexual violence can occur regardless of relationship status, and consent is still needed continuously through any sexual activity to not turn into a manipulated sexual experience.
What is Sexual Assault?
What is Sexual Assault?
Sexual Assault, Harassment, and Stalking are all apart of a 'grey area' where society has let a lot of inappropriate behavior happen without proper accountability, respect, and care for this conversation. For many people, these experiences hold different feelings, experiences, and definitions. We know that women and AFAB people are always at a higher risk of being affected by these abusive and predatory behaviors. While we won't define the weight of these experiences, because they are always going to be specific to the person's individual experience and their perception of those boundaries being broken. However, it's important that we lay a framework for calling out inappropriate behavior so that sexually motivated harassment are not considered socially allowed or appropriate. While many AFAB people and women have unpacked and are capable of distinguishing types of assault or harassment they are receiving, society at large has not done so. This causes many people (often women/AFAB people) to suffer sexual abuse, harassment and assault at the hands of societal constructs and social oppression systems that uphold the beliefs that these behaviors can be perceived or experienced in an enjoyable way. We know that standard gender roles and toxic-masculinity, are common tactics of patriarchy and cisheteronormativity to instill submissiveness, conformity, and objectification of women and their experiences and expressions. These tactics can also be used to justify harmful and violent behavior on behalf of people who identify as men or masculine people.
Unwanted Sexual Advances:
Unwanted Sexual Advances:
Unwanted Sexual Advance are hard to categorize for some folks, but its important to us to acknowledge that once your lack of consent has been communicated, there is nothing that should compel a person to continue to seek sexual advances with you. While we believe consent should be the forefront of all sexual advances, we know that is not always the case. Make if you ever encounter something like this that you notify the other people around you of the consistent harassment.
If you are at work notify your Human Resources Department or other trustable managers; and decide if you would be willing to return to your job in-person until it is properly handled.
Manipulation:
Manipulation:
Manipulation of circumstances surrounding someones actions can be a form of sexual violence that is often overlooked. Manipulation can look like refusing to wear a condom, or discussing recent STD testing results. Manipulation can look like discussing what you're wearing or how you present yourself as a reason for unconsensual sexual advances. Manipulation can also be how someone treats you at different times or differences phases of yourself. We want to make sure that we include manipulation as a form of sexual violence to call out how it assists in the other forms of sexual violence one may experience.
Molestation:
Molestation:
Molestation is a form of sexual violence where there is touching involved with the sexual harassment, this can include penetration, but often includes the following (but is not limited to): grabbing/slapping/touching someones butt, touching someone inappropriately in anyway, touching someones breasts, and touching someones penis. Often times predators will try to privatize and sexualize the environment by separating the molestation from the public. This form of sexual violence is often experience by minors, and should be discussed with parents once they are able to grasp that information.
Sexual Harassment:
Sexual Harassment:
Sexual Harassment is a term for that can spread many different types of unwanted sexual advancements. These can be experienced with people around or not, and often go unnoticed because of the fear and inaccessibility to justice in these situations. If you are in an environment where an employee or Human Resources Dept. can help you we urge you to report any unwanted advances that constitute harassment. If you believe your safety is at risk the best thing you can do is inform the people around you and talk with a police department or lawyer if you are comfortable doing so.
Rape:
Rape:
Any unconsensual sexual activity, that traditionally includes "forced penetration" this can be with genitalia, hands, or other objects. Rape can occur to men, women, and nonbinary people; however, an overwhelming majority of this crime is committed against to people assigned female at birth, traditionally seen as women. Rape non-traditionally, is understood as any unwanted or forced touching and interaction with a person's body/genitalia and reproductive oprans. It's an unfortunate reality that there are thousands of ways, traditionally men and people who embody toxic-masculinity, have raped and are motivated to rape the people around them. We know that for each person sexual assault or inappropriate sexual conduct can be hard to define or categorize for ourselves and others, when trying to hold people accountable. There is no reason to allow rape to go unnoticed or kept quiet; of course, we understand that reporting may not always be an option for people, we want to make sure that we consider rape and other sexual misconduct to be taken seriously and publicly as to shed light on the often occurrence of these crimes.
Stalking:
Stalking:
Stalking is a form of harassment that includes following, inference, and typically a form of harm (mentally, physically, sexually, etc.). Stalking can also be done online, and in person. Sexual Harassment often including stalking as well, which can be a beginning sign of a possible assault and should be taken seriously. We know that our police systems often aren't able to provide adequate protection for individuals affected by stalking. Stalking can also be done by the people we know: friends, family members, and community members. Contact a entity or police station that you trust if you believe you are in danger of stalking.
Rape Culture:
Rape Culture:
Rape culture refers to a social environment in which sexual violence is normalized, excused, glorified and even implicitly encouraged through attitudes, behaviors, and institutions that delegitimize consent and blame survivors. Its origins are deeply rooted in historical power structures, gender norms, and colonial narratives that have evolved over centuries. In many early societies, women were viewed as property of fathers or husbands, and sexual violence was often framed not as a crime against the person harmed, but as a violation of a man’s ownership rights. These patriarchal systems established long-standing beliefs that men were entitled to women and AFAB bodies and that person's autonomy was secondary, which laid out the norms that dismissed or ignored the seriousness anf impact of sexual assault. Additionally, toxic-masculinity, the expectation that men should be dominant, sexually assertive, and emotionally detached, reinforced patterns in which aggression was tolerated and intimacy was undervalued.
Over time, media representations, legal systems, and social oppression systems perpetuated these ideas: jokes about assault, victim-blaming questions in courtrooms, and portrayals of coercion as romantic all contributed to an environment where survivors felt shame or disbelief rather than support. White Supremacy and Heteronormative Patriarchy further intensified these predatory and harmful behaviors, by imposing rigid gender and racial hierarchies using sexual violence as a tool of control. Even as modern societies have made progress in recognizing autonomy and consent, remnants of these historical beliefs persist in subtle ways, through the policing of women’s clothing, the pressure on men to perform gendered roles, or the readiness to question a survivor’s credibility. Rape culture, then, is not a single ideology but a intertwined net of inherited narratives and institutional practices that collectively shape how societies respond to sexual violence. Understanding its origins highlights that it is not natural or inevitable; it is the result of long-standing social choices and structures that can be challenged and changed. By examining how these harmful norms developed and why they still influence behavior and policy, communities can better work toward creating cultures that value informed consent, respect boundaries, and support survivors with dignity and seriousness.
Politeness culture is often shown to us as simply, “good behavior,” but it operates as a socially constructed system that manages conflict, emotion, and communication in ways that position unbalanced and underlying power dynamics. Its rules are rarely neutral, as we know the word crime can be weaponized to describe actions in a shallow way. They emerge from collective pressures to protect the comfort of those who benefit most from existing social structures, and they shape who is allowed to speak, how they must speak, and what kinds of truths are considered acceptable. Politeness culture tends to prioritize image and perception over substance and experience. It doesn’t just encourage kindness; it prescribes a narrow emotional range (seemingly articulated, presenting calm, socially submissive) and labels anything outside it as disruptive. This may create a false sense of peace, but it can also suppress necessary expressions of frustration, boundary-setting, confrontation, or appropriate restorative justice. This repression of expressed emotions can greatly impact someone's mental health and their self image and identities. Those with little-to-no institutional or social power often bear the greatest burden: they are expected to manage not only their own emotions but also the reactions of those who might feel challenged by their words. Meanwhile, people who hold power are rarely asked to soften their tone or restructure their communication for the sake of others.
This dynamic shows up in workplaces that punish direct feedback as “unprofessional,” in institutions that code discomfort as disrespect. It also shows up in everyday interactions where marginalized people are told to “calm down,” “be nice,” or “say it a different way,” before their concerns can even be acknowledged. These forms of tone policing shift attention away from the content of a message and toward its delivery, allowing the underlying issues (often related to inequity or danger/harm) to remain unaddressed. Recognizing politeness culture as a social construct doesn’t require rejecting courtesy or empathy. Instead, it invites a shift in what we value in communication: honesty over appeasement, accountability over comfort, and mutual respect over one-sided emotional labor. By rethinking these norms, we create space that is safe for conversations that are truthful, equitable, and genuinely human.
We hope that we can foster a conversation where the act of sex itself is not sexualized. It is vital that we are able to come together as a species, across both sexes, to understand that sexual activity has historically not always been pleasurable for everyone involved, and the force of birthing and sex on females, has created a generational shift in how one may view sexual activity. When coming at these conversations from a scientific perspective, we have to remain aware that these are functions of our bodies, and for some the lack of function or ability is really difficult to manage. The more we have educated conversations on these topics, the less scared or stigmatizing it will be to experience them. We all have these bodies, yet we still want to live in a world where we pretend we don't know. There is nothing that should be forcibly hidden from the rest of the world, especially if it is about the state of our bodies or lives, we are here on Earth to wittness one another. We should curate a society where there is no justification for unconsensual actions that comes from ever mistaking another human's state of being as 'promiscuity', for that is a grave dishonor to our own species. Promiscuity itself, is a word that should have never needed to exist, only used to describe a women's presentation from a horrendous man's perspective.
Another example, being able to discuss an orgasm and how they can occur for/in different bodies, without sexualizing the conversation, is imperative for us to have a framework and move through discussing the ways pleasure can occur with another person, without creating unnecessary pressure or being uneducated about potential needs.
There are many groups of people who do not experience, or define, sexual pleasure in the ways typical society may; and beyond their ability for such, they carry entire lives with them still. We often forget about people's traumas (old or new), and that emotional, physical, or mental these traumas stay with us, changing in the soft ways they might, but they never go away. We have to keep in mind that outside of ability or want, all bodies experience orgasm and pleasure differently in the physical form. This along, with the complexity of different genitalia potentially needing different stimulation to achieve pleasure, can influence the series of actions so that sexual acts are only pleasurable for one person at a time.
From a neurological perspective, we have to keep in mind that sexual pleasure and sexual desires have always lived in the part of the brain responsible for fight or flight, and our adrenaline centers, which means for those who've experienced a lot of their life in severe fight or flight, sexual activities may be a different experience. It is often that people experience intense emotional releases when they experience sexual pleasure, which is something that we as a society should be foster more in conversation.
Many groups of people experience their pleasure in different ways depending on how sexual activities have occured in their lives, and how it affects them. We know that 1 in 6 women have been assaulted, so we understand that there may be direct trauma associated with the act of sex, and sexual pleasure. The act of sexual reproduction for the intention of birth can also bring it's own from of trauma for many people. Experiencing a misscarriage or loss of a child, is a life-changing experience, one that may temporarily or long-term affect the people who are in that relationship. For parents going through infertility, the act of sexual activity can become associated with negative emotions rather than positive ones. That does not mean that sexual activity isn't pleasurable for people in this situation, but that the pleasure is not being done for the act of pleasure, but to lead to a child.
Patriarchy is a social and political system of oppression in which men, masculinity, and traditionally male roles hold primary power, authority, and privilege over women, non-binary people, and anyone who does not conform to norms of dominant (toxic) masculinity. It operates through institutions such as: government, law and justice system, religion, and the ideal cisheteronormative family. There are many cultural narratives, and everyday practices that collectively replicate and uphold male dominance/leadership and normalize gender roles. The direct effects of patriarchy include the inequitable distribution of power and resources between cisgender males and AFAB and feminine presenting people. Our political representation favors men, there are large gender/sex-based pay gaps, and limited access to leadership roles for non-men. The patriarchy also causes social expectations that prescribe rigid gender roles that confine women to caregiving and domestic labor while simultaneously rewarding men for dominance, independence, and emotional restriction. Patriarchy directly affects bodily autonomy (often AFAB) through the policing of women’s and queer people’s sexuality, reproductive choices, and access to safety. It also produces cultural norms that marginalize LGBTQIA2S+ identities, stigmatize non-traditional relationship structures, and frame masculinity and heterosexuality as the default standards.
Sex-Crimes Involving Children:
Sex-Crimes Involving Children:
When it comes to sex crimes involving children, we should never have a joke or lack of seriousness on the topic. Many parents are in disbelief when they are first encountering the news of their child having been sexually assaulted. It can be hard for these conversations to be had, especially when the openness of discussing these topics was not already present. We urge all parents to begin talking to their children about their body parts as early as they can grasp it; from there we believe it's up to a parent (but is still vital) to decide how to explain different types of assault to their children. Our children deserve to know everything there is to know the good and the bad, so that they can be better prepared to handle it as they experience life and grow. We know these conversations can be tough and for any parent who is or has experienced this heartbreaking crime with their child, we hope to only continue to provide more resources.
Cordisco and Saile LLC. has put together this guide dedicated to fostering awareness, education, and action towards the prevention of child abuse. In a world where the safety and well-being of our children should be paramount, it's crucial to engage in open discussions, share knowledge, and collectively work towards creating environments where every child can thrive.
Link: https://www.cordiscosaile.com/navigating-child-sex-abuse/
Also featured in our Difficult Conversations page
Excessive Interest in Children: Perpetrators may display an unusually high level of interest in children, seeking out opportunities to be alone with them or engage in activities involving children.
Inappropriate Boundaries: Watch for individuals who consistently violate personal boundaries with children, such as invading their personal space or engaging in inappropriate touching.
Grooming Behaviors: Perpetrators often employ grooming tactics to build trust with both the child and their caregivers. This can include giving excessive gifts, providing special attention, or exploiting vulnerabilities.
Secretive Behavior: Be cautious of individuals who are excessively secretive about their interactions with children, avoiding open communication or transparency with parents or guardians.
Frequent Isolation with a Child: If someone consistently isolates a child from their peers or family, it may be a cause for concern. Perpetrators often exploit isolation to engage in abusive behavior without detection.
Manipulative Techniques: Look out for individuals who use manipulation to coerce or control a child. This can involve emotional manipulation, convincing the child to keep secrets, or using intimidation tactics.
Inappropriate Sexualized Behavior: Keep an eye on any adult displaying inappropriate sexual behavior or making sexually suggestive comments around children.
Excessive Interest in Child Pornography: Individuals with a predilection for child sexual abuse may exhibit an abnormal interest in child pornography. This is a red flag that demands immediate attention.
Changes in a Child's Behavior: Pay attention to sudden changes in a child's behavior, such as withdrawal, aggression, fearfulness, or regression in developmental milestones. These changes may be indicative of abuse.
Unwillingness to Let the Child Set Boundaries: A potential perpetrator may disregard a child's discomfort or reluctance to engage in certain activities, insisting on their own desires instead.
The website above was provided by a person emailing us directly, it has a fully comprehensive directory to all of the Women and Children's Domestic Violence Shelters in the world, and links on where to find them. We are grateful that resources like this exist, but we also acknowledge that the oppressions and accessibility to these resources is directly what impacts someone's ability to be able to get any help at all.
Introduction from their website:
Introduction from their website:
"Domestic violence exploded during the first two months of the COVID-19 outbreak. In the U.S., there was a 30% increase in spousal/partner abuse towards women, and the U.K. saw a similar increase as well – 25%. Similarly,there has been an uptick in violence against men and the elderly, with financial strain caused by the pandemic being noted as the main stressor in domestic situations. Still, there is no updated, comprehensive resource that tells you where to go if you are suffering such horrible violence, or know someone who is a victim."
Man Vs. Bear (linked Wiki): There was a time when the internet had a frenzy over this question that upset a lot of the men in the social communities. Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear? The question was asked and answered and explained by hundreds of people around the world in social media. However, men and women had very different answers. Women were much more comfortable with the idea of being alone with a bear rather than a man. There were many reasons for this, the main one being, the worse thing the bear can do is kill me, what a man can do could be much worse. This is historically accurate, but the men were still pretty upset with this notion. It's important that when we think about our time in secluded areas, that we remind ourselves of all the ways our placement can affect other people. Whether we are man or woman, we all know the violence that can occur at the hands of evil men, often due to patriarchy and white supremacy, can hurt us all worse than what a bear is capable of.
There is always more research being done!
There is always more research being done!
If you would like to help us write about commonly silenced areas or personal experiences you may have with these topics, contact us at thisisactivism2023@gmail.com or fill out our Comments page. We want our website to be a continuous growth of knowledge to share with each other in a positive way. There are so many things we don't talk about and we should!
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