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Parenthood
Parenthood
Parenthood is not easy for anyone, and it has been at the center of community attend for a long history. A lot of the time, we are just finding out the news via a test, or a late menstrual cycle. The feeling one gets once pregnant, is different for every and any person who gets that news. If you're not pregnant, what if found out you were pregnant right now, how would you feel? No matter how many people read this, the answers will always be different. Some people have extreme anxiety, happiness, depression, fear, etc. No emotion is wrong or right to feel. Everyone's approach to parenthood and pregnancy is up to them.
We chose to put there experiences together, because whether or not you plan on becoming a parent this pregnancy, you have feelings and experiences that are simply parental. This doesn't mean your choice to or to not parent or have a child is wrong, it simply means your experience is unique. No one should ever be pressured to have a pregnancy they don't want to carry. We of course know that with the overturn of Roe v. Wade, we are now seeing many more issues surrounding all maternal health care.
Choosing Maternal Health Care Plans, can be quite complex and personal; however, we stress the need for readiness of change by medical needs. It's really important that we always keep an open mind to any maternal health care plan, we want to make sure that health of the mother and baby are always top priority. Make sure when you find a plan that works for you that you think about you would want in any what if situations. It's of course our duty to remind you that worrying about unnecessary risks or situations can worsen fearful ideations, and we always want to keep a positive outlook on pregnancy.
Sometimes neonatal medical doctors are needed to assist on any pregnancy conditions, or things to keep you aware of, we want to stress that there is no right way to feel in those times. Communication and knowledge is your best friend; knowing your obstacles can be your best tool. Make sure that you find a medical provider and doula that you trust who can talk you through all of your options and what they mean more personally to you.
Birth trauma is very real, and this can be challengely for everyone. We stress the need to communicating boundaries with your provides, and ask them to explain any procedures that are confusing to you. Consent and communication should always be the most important thing to your medical providers and the people you bring in the room with you.
AFAB: Assigned Female At Birth, this is a term that is includes the majority of women who identify as cisgender women, transgender men, and non-binary folks, who are effected by the ownership of a 'traditionally' female body at birth. Traditional reproductive organs including but not limited to: Vagina, Cervix, Uterus, Ovaries, etc.
AMAB: Assigned Male At Birth, this is a term that includes the majority of men who identify as cisgender men, transgender women, and non-binary folks, who are effected by the ownership of a traditionally male body at birth. Genitalia including but not limited to: Prostate, Penis, Testes, Vas deferens, etc.
Intersex: There are also individuals who are intersex- and have a mixture of traditional sex characteristics; a percent of the population are born this way and some never find out. Intersex individuals have the right to live in their bodies however, and in whatever identity that they feel is right. As we briefly mentioned, many people have a slight variation and never find out they are intersex, due to the standard of assigning people to an oversimplified binary when deciding someone's sex based on developing body parts.
A Menstrual Cycle can also be known as a "Period", "Mother Nature", "Aunt Flow", all of which refers to the bleeding caused by cramping of the uterus through the vaginal opening for 5-7 days. This cycle happens once a month (or 26-36 days) after their first cycle begins. The Menstrual Cycle can happen as early as 7-8 years of age, the average beginning at age 10-13 years of age. However, if your Menstrual Cycle has not shown up by around the age of 15, make sure to check with your doctor to see if you need any extra medical care from an OBGYN or other Medical Professionals. This is the number one reason why discussing Menstrual Cycles at a young age with both young girls and young boys. It's important for us to do a service to our next generational by not hiding the reality of human anatomy. Teaching about menstration and the menopausal process to all young people is important for us to understand the proper ways of having public conversations about menstrual cycles. We say that teaching your child about autonomy, body part identification, and menstrual cycle knowlegde is important starting around ages 5&6. Children know more than you think and it's our job to give them the tools not to get in danger. While it will never be most children, there will always be some who start their menstrual cycles really early (like 7-8 yrs).
*We also want to mention how abortion laws have been protecting abusers and rapists who are close to young victims, by not allowing for abortions, increasing complications to childhood pregnancy, and traumatizing young children.*
Menstrual Cycles can cause unnecessary pain via cramping, headaches & migraines, nausea, bowel issues, and cyst & scare tissue formation with conditions like Endometriosis and Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). When we discuss time off from work, and making equal environments we often discount the menstrual cycles that people experience that may cause them to be unable to work the same.
People who experience menstrual cycles are often referred to as women, but it is also important for us to discuss the trans-men and nonbinary people in the menstruating group. Not everyone wants to be referring to their menstrual cycle as something that is specifically feminine, while others may attach womanhood with their menstrual cycle. All of those identities and feelings are positive, but we have to make room for all of them to exist together.
It's also very important to think about the burden of purchasing menstrual products to manage periods symptoms such as pads, tampons, menstrual cups, period underwear, reusable pads, etc. There are companies that have worked to remove harmful carcinogens such as chlorine, bleach, and the reduction of single use plastics. These menstrual products can also cause toxic shock if there is over exposure to the components of the products. Make sure to research the kind of products you plan to use to an extent. The PINK TAX is real and you can try to avoid it by buying straight from the website, but we all know that getting things off the shelf can be necessary. The purchasing of menstrual products can be very hard on the individuals who have low income, and they are often the least donated item. If you can please take time to donate menstrual products to those in need that can be awesome, but you can also leave them new products in public bathrooms so that someone else can pick them up when needed. If you attend a university or school see if you can get students together to pass a Menstrual Cycle or Period Bill to provide free resources to those in need on campus. Many schools have been recently adopting this practice, for the overwhelming affect it has on the pockets of college and highschool students.
Teen Pregnancy
Teen Pregnancy
Knowing that you're pregnant is a big step, and many people figure this out via a test, or a late period; however, we also need to discuss the ways that not having sexual health education from a young age, can effect people long term. Not every young person who becomes pregnant knows how that happen. Not knowing what sex is, can be just as scary (if not scarier) than sexual education itself.
Teen pregnancy is real, and many people make the choices about their pregnancies and they see fit; however, we know that in a minor's medical treatment, parents are often involved. We know that accessing the necessary medical treatments is really important to younger people, and we hope that more access becomes available. We also want to recognize our teen moms who choose to continue through their pregnancies. Choosing to carry on with a pregnancy is a huge effort and takes lots of energy and mental effort. It can be tough to navigate relationships as a teenager and also navigate a pregnancy. We have to make sure that we are being as supportive as we can to our younger parents, because they are still growing themselves. Many teens also run the risk of beign kicked out or having to leave their home due to violence or values. It's important that we be clear about the ways that that family support effects all young people as they grow up.
If you choose to raise your child, there are a lot more things that come into play. Of course depending on your family and the support they are willing to lend, this situation could look different for everyone. We have a lot of teen parents in foster care with their pregnancies or children, and not many families are willing to foster them. This is also a huge issue in areas that are rural and have no access to maternal health care early on in the pregnancy. Making decisions for your child and what you want their future to look like may be something you start to think about. Don't forget that the future you aspire to have, is important too.
Planned Pregnancy
Planned Pregnancy
Planned Pregnancy is really important to talk about for a number of reasons. Often we forget that some people have to try, or even go to a doctor in order to get pregnant. This kind of medical intervention can be really emotionally and physically intense. So when we approach the topic of planned pregnancy its a time of rejoice, but also a time of remembrance. The hard work that mostly AFAB people and women put in, is something to discuss when it comes to planning a pregnancy. The effort put in to be pregnant and all the work that comes after is a wonderful adventure to be on.
We will not give advice on how to plan a pregnancy, but we know there are plenty of online sites, medical professionals, etc. to learn your information.
Unplanned Pregnancy
Unplanned Pregnancy
All people who are in our world face the possibility of having a child, but people born female at birth have a disproportionate rate of being first time single parents. When it comes to an unplanned pregnancy there can be many emotions that come about. For some, this becomes an opportunity for a change of pace, and for some its a scary or uncomfortable time. Whatever you plan to do with your pregnancy is up to you, so it's important that you take this time to find your support group during this endeavor. If you are approaching a conversation with parents or partners remember that there are solid people to back you during this time: therapist, doula, Planned Parenthood, OBGYN MD, trust people in your life, etc.
There are many free resources for parents to get resources during this time and we will be linking them in a page below called "Free Parent Resources."
"The JADA System is intended to provide control and treatment of abnormal postpartum uterine bleeding or hemorrhage when conservative management is warranted." (from their site)
Suggested by Jen Hamilton R.N. (OB), as a device that you should ask your provider about having at their facility during your birthing process. As it is a device that significantly decreases the likelihood of a typically fatal postpartum hemorrhage to result in a loss of life.
'De-Sexualizing, Sex' Why we should understand our body's history and prioritize enthusiastic consent:
'De-Sexualizing, Sex' Why we should understand our body's history and prioritize enthusiastic consent:
We hope that we can foster a conversation where the act of sex itself is not sexualized. It is vital that we are able to come together as a species, across both sexes, to understand that sexual activity has historically not always been pleasurable for everyone involved, and the force of birthing and sex on females, has created a generational shift in how one may view sexual activity. When coming at these conversations from a scientific perspective, we have to remain aware that these are functions of our bodies, and for some the lack of function or ability is really difficult to manage. The more we have educated conversations on these topics, the less scared or stigmatizing it will be to experience them. We all have these bodies, yet we still want to live in a world where we pretend we don't know. There is nothing that should be forcibly hidden from the rest of the world, especially if it is about the state of our bodies or lives, we are here on Earth to wittness one another. We should curate a society where there is no justification for unconsensual actions that comes from ever mistaking another human's state of being as 'promiscuity', for that is a grave dishonor to our own species. Promiscuity itself, is a word that should have never needed to exist, only used to describe a women's presentation from a horrendous man's perspective.
Another example, being able to discuss an orgasm and how they can occur for/in different bodies, without sexualizing the conversation, is imperative for us to have a framework and move through discussing the ways pleasure can occur with another person, without creating unnecessary pressure or being uneducated about potential needs.
There are many groups of people who do not experience, or define, sexual pleasure in the ways typical society may; and beyond their ability for such, they carry entire lives with them still. We often forget about people's traumas (old or new), and that emotional, physical, or mental these traumas stay with us, changing in the soft ways they might, but they never go away. We have to keep in mind that outside of ability or want, all bodies experience orgasm and pleasure differently in the physical form. This along, with the complexity of different genitalia potentially needing different stimulation to achieve pleasure, can influence the series of actions so that sexual acts are only pleasurable for one person at a time.
From a neurological perspective, we have to keep in mind that sexual pleasure and sexual desires have always lived in the part of the brain responsible for fight or flight, and our adrenaline centers, which means for those who've experienced a lot of their life in severe fight or flight, sexual activities may be a different experience. It is often that people experience intense emotional releases when they experience sexual pleasure, which is something that we as a society should be foster more in conversation.
Many groups of people experience their pleasure in different ways depending on how sexual activities have occured in their lives, and how it affects them. We know that 1 in 6 women have been assaulted, so we understand that there may be direct trauma associated with the act of sex, and sexual pleasure. The act of sexual reproduction for the intention of birth can also bring it's own from of trauma for many people. Experiencing a misscarriage or loss of a child, is a life-changing experience, one that may temporarily or long-term affect the people who are in that relationship. For parents going through infertility, the act of sexual activity can become associated with negative emotions rather than positive ones. That does not mean that sexual activity isn't pleasurable for people in this situation, but that the pleasure is not being done for the act of pleasure, but to lead to a child.
Maternal Fetal Medicine:
Maternal Fetal Medicine:
Maternal Medicine is updating all the time, but the spread of knowledge has a dependency on their ability to practice what they are learning. Maternal health providers are typically OBGYN-MDs, OB Nurses, Midwives, Doulas, and other possible caregivers. When talking to any physician centering your consent to any and all interventions should be the focus of conversation. Having a plethora of knowledge when going to the birthing process is vitally important, we should encourage all people who can get pregnant to learn about pregnancy during their adulthood.
Currently in several states in America where providing any kinds of diagnoses, or treating pregnancy-related conditions, can possibly have consequences of arrest, fines, and jail time. Which has caused many of the maternal physicians and care givers to move their practices to other safer states. This has also resulted in the creation of maternal healthcare deserts, which increases the likelihood of birth complications and maternal mortality.
A pregnant person's most likely fatal experience is homicide by their partner, coming in second is suicide, this is the result of sex-based violence and restricted access to healthcare. Black women are also 3 times as likley to die from a health complication than a white woman, this is because during the birthing process, black mothers are not believed in their pain and experiences.
Pregnancy is different for everyone, but we should never underestimate the ways that pregnancy can inhibit someone from working, leading their normal lives, or enjoying the same activities. For some pregnancy is the best feeling ever, and for some it's something they fear. We encourage you to take this time, to seek a therapist and doula regardless of your plans with your pregnancy. This way you can have a support group during this time.
Seek information from an OBGYN, and don't forget you can get free and low cost maternal health care at Planned Parenthood, as they are there to assist you through the pregnancy and birthing process as well as their other medical care options.
The postpartum time is delicate and different for each possible birth experience. Not all mothers go home with their babies, and not all births are traumatic. It's important to ask the people you know going through this time what you can to do to support them through this time and support the forming of their boundaries.
Its important to mention that during this time many people experience postpardom depression. The people who are experiencing pregnancy experience a huge shift in horomones during and after the pregnancy. So when we are thinking about the time we have after birth, it's a good time to take our mental health extra seriously and seek out extra help if were in need.
Many parents don't experience the birthing and pregnancy part of parenthood; however, it is not because they don't want to. We should be very clear that many parents in this position should think deeply about their reasons and education when it comes to adoption. Many people in this position are LGBTQIA+ because of the typical inability to procreate within their own relationship. Many heterosexual couples also adopt, but it's important to mention how many gay and minority couples have a harder time getting the ability to adopt due to different state and private agencies rules.
It's also important to listen to adoptees when its comes to the way we approach adoption. Many people believe the adoption world can be unsafe or cruel, but its important
When we discuss pregnancy it's important that we discuss the events of loss and infertility that many people face when hoping to start a family. Many people who would like to experience pregnancy are unable to, or unable to sustain them. None of this is to the fault of any person, and its important that we remember this as we discuss how loss an occur. Some people experience loss during the birthing process or directly after. It's important that we listent to parents and understand the concerns and realities of parenthood and pregnancy. Some births that result in loss are referred to as a still birth, and this refers to the death of a infant in days leading up to or during the birthing process. Not all still births have a distinct reason, but the risk factors you may have are only able to be detected by your doctor.
For those who experience infertility they may have to go through other procedures and medication treatments in order to conceive. These procedures and medications can cause side effects and are hard for many to endure, so we should definitely understand the physical burden infertility makes people face.
What is Gender?
What is Gender?
Gender in itself is a construct of our long standing history in humanity. While we have seen a correlation with gender identity and sexual organs in humans for our history on this planet; there still well-known evidence that humans have always had people who don't identify within their sex given at birth. Being that it is a construct and system that most of our societies have upheld and idolized for its sexual and manipulative nature. Defining Gender as a system means that it has more than the barest of definitions; this system functions on the perception of the self and the people around you. Women, men and others, are given a chance at life all the same, but we all know the not-so-creative differences between the ways we parents and instruct younger girls in comparison to boys. Society often subjects people to having a specific type of childhood, and experiences through life based on their sex-assigned-at-birth, that assignment and subjectiveness is gender. This all comes down to the ways each person perceives themselves and their gender, in comparison to the other identities around them. Many 'men' are compelled to not show emotion or compassion for others as a way of gaining strength; however, this is a self-harm tactic that most men have learned from those around them and older than them.
When we begin to reframe our experiences surrounding gender, we are merely looking at a the same image with different glasses. While a person may be a person and without identification they remain genderless; however, the moment I tell you she is here or he is there, a completely new perception of the interaction is taking place. This is one of many ways that the way we have made gender a system in our everyday lives. Exploring the understanding of any of our genders, is to go beyond anything our sex at birth might convey. Our gender expression is that of what we have been manipulated over the years to be what it is today. This doesn't mean that your expression is incorrect it just means a lot of interactions helped you form that expression. The different groups of people out there today believe the gender expression somehow infringes on the lives around the person expressing their gender differently, while it has no real impact on those around them. Many people of stereotypical gender expression have experienced several times where the impression of their expression gave someone else a false impression of who they were based on stereotyping. This means that gender is a system that serves very few people in the bigger institutions of modern day capitalism which typically consist of rich white males.
Gender can be expressed on a spectrum of femininity and masculinity, but at the basis of breaking down gender norms and constructs we have freedom of expression. There may be a gender attached to someone's identity but you can act, dress, and be whomever you want in this world. Of course this sounds a lot more glamorous than it may be in reality.
Due to the high range of hate crimes that occur every day surrounding gender and sexual orientation, it has been very important for everyone who is queer in some way to be careful about who they share that information with. It can be dangerous for some of us to share our identifying factors with others. Calling our Significant Others or Family Members: "Partner", "Spouse", "Significant Other", "Sibling", "Pal", (etc.) and other non-gendered specific names can ensure a bit of extra safety. However those who are most inquisitive of these kinds of things may inquire deeper; this is why we encourage our allies to discuss their non-queer relationships and non-queers family members in the same way. This has completely destigmatize the word "Partner," and "Spouse," allowing for many more queer individuals to discuss their partners in safety at work or in public.
Consent in All Spaces is a mechanism we can use to focus on how we would want to be treated in any given situation. We know that being forced to do anything is uncomfortable, and when it comes to sexual encounters there is a high tendency for people to abuse their position in the exchange of pleasure. This is not only a crime, but a tendency high enough that 1 in 4 people Assigned Female At Birth, or represent femininity, are sexually abused before the age of 18. This is not to take away from the ways that males are alos victims of sexual asssault.
Talking about consent is important and there are plently of ways to make is a sexy experience. We should always discuss our sexual preferences in terms of sexual acts, before we engage in sexual acts with someone new. It's important to discuss STD/STI status and make sure that this is a person you are comfortable with. Continuous consent is also important, and if you aren't feeling a situaiton don't feel compelled to continue. Make sure to have good communication with the people you are engaging with, this can be even in non-sexual spaces. Consent can revolve around many different areas in life such as, medical procedures, touching (hugging/kissing), discussion of personal information or triggering information, etc.
There are many reasons we obtain consent from other's, and when it comes to the ways we communicate that there are a few things to know. We all have our own unique history, and sometimes that history has trauma. It is not someone else's job to inform you of the trauma they have endured in the past. If they do communicate that with you, then make sure you are asking how you can avoid retraumatization and other ways to avoid the feelings of trauma. When it comes to sexual activity and other more personal matters these communicated boundaries or understandings, are even more important and vital to keep aware of. No one wants to make the people they care about or are interested in, feel uncomfortable around them. However, not all of us are the best at communication due to the years of inhibition we've endured when it comes to open communication. Knowing that not all of us are good at communication is part of having good communication. We are not always up for deep communication, and sometimes we have trouble paying attention. We can accept our faults and others as normal pieces of human communication. Sometimes lack-of-communication can be a way of communication in itself.
Regardless, the effort that we choose to put into the way we communicate, is going the effect the way our relationships function, and following consent rules is a perfect way to get comfortable with this notion. Understanding properties of consent, can open our minds to the reasons that following other's boundaries are important.
Dolly Parton's Imagination Library : Children receive a free book every month from birth to age 6. Sign up where it says "Can I register my child?" in the margin!
Dolly Parton's Imagination Library : Children receive a free book every month from birth to age 6. Sign up where it says "Can I register my child?" in the margin!
Target: By opening a registry you get 15% off all things added to your list, and a free baby box from Target.
Target: By opening a registry you get 15% off all things added to your list, and a free baby box from Target.
(even if you don't use the registry get the free baby box)
(even if you don't use the registry get the free baby box)
Let us know about what we should add or what we don't know about yet in the Comments section of our page.
Founded by: Jen Hamilton RN (OBGYN)
"Hot Mess Express" is a group that Jen Hamilton RN started when trying to find ways to come help moms in need when they have young children or are postpartum, that specifically need stuff like cleaning and laundry done for them. Through the link, you can see if there is a "Hot Mess Express" chapter in your area, if there is you can think about joining to help other mamas, or reach out for the extra support you've been needing. (Completely Free, Just Mamas helping Mamas)
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There is always more research being done!
There is always more research being done!
If you would like to help us write about commonly silenced areas or personal experiences you may have with these topics, contact us at thisisactivism2023@gmail.com or fill out our Comments page. We want our website to be a continuous growth of knowledge to share with each other in a positive way. There are so many things we don't talk about and we should!
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