How do you start to address the internalized homophobia you may be facing, first you may be wondering what we are referring to. Internalized Homophobia is the ways in which the way we were taught to respond to homosexuals as young children or young adults; then once realizing your true queer identity you realize all the ways you believed that could never be you because of a false depiction you were provided with when it came to learning about being queer or gay. Many of us need time to deal with this guilt, specifically the guilt wrapped up in once being critical of the queer acceptance. Homophobic guilt can be a source of great pain especially when you experience the same criticism you possibly gave others in your position now. If you are experiencing an awakening where you are unsure how to feel about your past involvement with homophobia and your current queer journey, talking with a mental health professional can easy some of that burden. For some people talking to a queer friendly religious figure can be positive for healing the internalized homophobia.

Are ways in which we have structured our society to cater to  a specific kind of format for us to run on; even-though, it may be an unspoken and interpretable format per se. 

First we must understand what kind of systems we are looking at?

Patriarchy has been founded on the preconceived notion to sex differences at birth and assumed placement in breeding or procreation for future generations, and the assumed placement of a labor source or provider. While this notion has been getting very old by this time, we have let it up hold several households and leave many spending years in emotional aguish over their true wants and the systems' need to stay alive. If men are home bodies who take care of the young, as their female partner have a larger coporate jobs that provide for the family you are actively breaking this norm. However, don't misguide your sense of praise for breaking away from the norm. The praise goes to those who also teach their children not to rely on a specific sex or gender to provide for emotional needs etc. There is a lot in this world that caters to the male ideology, but in many ways it dis-serves the male population the most by inappropriate expectations and emotional strangulation. This does not negate that the tole the Patriarchy has put on AFAB people and/or women is unattainable by most, and has caused death, abuse, and manipulation in the name of gender superiority. Sexual domination has always been apart of this historical fantasy, but the patriarchy uses this assumed domination to abuse and silence women all the time. Rape and abuse culture is an egregous act and it's important that we take the energy to deal with our biggest predators in the community.  

However our systems journey does not lead us just to Patriarchal Systems, but also Racist Systems that further upheld the white male agenda for power and profits. We saw this throughout the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, Fugitive Slave Laws, Emancipation Proclamation, and Jim Crow Laws that have only evolved in their ability to access black communities and gerrymander their counties. Racism has many different ways of manifesting itself in the psychology of white individuals. Racism is something every white person faces, because our environment inherently works for us. It makes sure that we are safe; instead of fearing us and therefore endangering us. Racism and Slavery gave white men with power the ability to control and manipulate the ways in which voting and many other forms of freedom were withheld. Black Communities have faced the most extreme of attacks in our nation's history. It's our job as people today to combat our learned racism and other social systems, so that people can be in this place of freedom with the feeling of actually feeling safe, protected, and free to do so as they please (with reason). 

Gender in itself is a construct of our long standing history in humanity. While we have seen a correlation with gender identity and sexual organs in humans for our history on this planet; there still well-known evidence that humans have always had people who don't identify within their sex given at birth. Being that it is a construct and system that most of our societies have upheld and idolized for its sexual and manipulative nature. Defining Gender as a system means that it has more that the barest of definitions; this system functions on the perception of the self and the people around you. Women and men are given a chance at life all the same, but we all know the creative differences between the ways we parents and instruct younger girls in comparison to boys. This all comes down to the ways each gender perceives themselves, and the other identities around them. Many men are compelled to not show emotion or compassion for others as a way of gaining strength; however, this is a self-harm tactic that most men have learned from those around them and older than them. 

When we begin to reframe our experiences surrounding gender, we are merely looking at a the same image with different glasses. While a person may be a person and without identification they remain genderless; however, the moment I tell you she is here or he is there, a completely new perception of the interaction is taking place. This is one of many ways that the way we have made gender a system in our everyday lives. Exploring the understanding of any of our genders, is to go beyond anything our sex at birth might convey. Our gender expression is that of what we have been manipulated over the years to be what it is today. This doesn't mean that your expression is incorrect it just means a lot of interactions helped you form that expression. The different groups of people out there today believe the gender expression somehow infringes on the lives around the person expressing their gender differently, while it has no real impact on those around them. Many people of stereotypical gender expression have experienced several times where the impression of their expression gave someone else a false impression of who they were based on stereotyping. This means that gender is a system that serves very few people in the bigger institutions of modern day capitalism which typically consist of rich white males. 

Gender can be expressed on a spectrum of femininity and masculinity, but at the basis of breaking down gender norms and constructs we have freedom of expression. There may be a gender attached to someone's identity but you can act, dress, and be whomeever you want in this world. Of course this sounds a lot more glamourous than it may be in reality. 

Due to the high range of hate crimes that occur every day surrounding gender and sexual orientation, it has been very important for everyone who is queer in some way to be careful about who they share that information with. It can be dangerous for some of us to share our identifying factors with others. Calling our Significant Others or Family Members: "Partner", "Spouse", "Significant Other", "Sibling", "Pal", (etc.) and other non-gendered specific names can ensure a bit of extra safety. However those who are most inquisitive of these kinds of things may inquire deeper; this is why we encourage our allies to discuss their non-queer relationships and non-queers familiy members in the same way. This has completely destigmatized the word "Partner," and "Spouse," allowing for many more queer individuals to discuss their partners in safety at work or in public.