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We know this is a stressful time, we hope that our resources are able to bring some comfort in this unstable time. We are experiencing this together!
Consent in All Spaces is a mechanism we can use to focus on how we would want to be treated in any given situation. We know that being forced to do anything is uncomfortable, and when it comes to sexual encounters there is a high tendency for people to abuse their position in the exchange of pleasure. This is not only a crime, but a tendency high enough that 1 in 4 people Assigned Female At Birth, or represent femininity, are sexually abused before the age of 18. This is not to take away from the ways that males are also victims of sexual assault.
Talking about consent is important and there are plenty of ways to make is a sexy experience. We should always discuss our sexual preferences in terms of sexual acts, before we engage in sexual acts with someone new. It's important to discuss STD/STI status and make sure that this is a person you are comfortable with. Continuous consent is also important, and if you aren't feeling a situation don't feel compelled to continue. Make sure to have good communication with the people you are engaging with, this can be even in non-sexual spaces. Consent can revolve around many different areas in life such as, medical procedures, touching (hugging/kissing), discussion of personal information or triggering information, etc.
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
Consent and Sexual Health Conversation Disclaimer:
It's important that we increase health awareness around the topics of sex, because sexual partners are sharing fluids and bodily contact, which can permanently affect one's health. Being aware of all the health positives and awareness of potential negatives, is what allows for a person to make an informed decision, which is required for proper Consent. No one should ever be pressured into having sex, which includes any type of convincing, talking someone into, or suggesting something should happen. Consent should be clear and enthusiastic, for all partners involved. Someone should never be so caught up in their own pleasure, that another person's pleasure, comfort, or consent is over-ridden or ignored.
Often people who want to have conversations about sex, are not doing so in a way that is comfortable, consensual, and/or without assumption. These traits can build habits that are predatory, and unsafe for people to engage with. It's vitally important that we learn how to de-sexualize the conversations around sex, so that we can be both clinical and caring about the way we interact with eachother's bodies. If there are people significantly older than you, or that have power over your position in a work place, try to engage in conversations about sex (specifically without your invitation); its likely that they often participate in that type of predatory behavior.
Often people in community don't want to call out the prevalence of the predatory nature in romantic, platonic, and sexual relationships around them, which can cause direct harm to the community. However, we also have to understand the historical roots of abuse and manipulation of AFAB people, and how most AFAB people are constantly at risk of violence from men. When an AFAB person is pregnant, the most likely way for them to die is murder by a man. 1 in 6 AFAB people have been sexually assaulted; all AFAB people know someone whose been sexually assaulted. While these often only mention the extremes, all forms of violence, manipulation, abuse, and assault, are never okay; and we should do everything in our power to not let these systems continue to hold power and take hold of over lives. When people are able to manipulate the systems of which a person must live within, there will always be a lack of consent. Even when we believe we are taking the time to care about autonomy, we need to check in with the people around us to see what we can be doing better. Furthermore, when it is safe, we should do what we can to check in with the safe people around us when we are experiencing potentially abusive behaviors from any person. We have seen the extremes of these ideals throughout the darkest times in our human history, however these hateful and abusive ideals still run strong today. Among the many reasons people should take more time getting to know one another and learning the respect that people are willing to have for one another.
Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their ability to consent and stop unwanted or dangerous behavior from others.
We want to end this with the important statement: When you want to help vulnerable people, and when you want to help people be vulnerable, those environments will always attract predators. Predators are always actively looking for the types of groups and people that will allow them to flourish. It is important that when we do any work, from education on health to activism in the streets, we have to be eyes wide open for predatory behavior /nature in our peers. When handling that predatory behavior we have to be willing to let people respond to being told they are reproducing predatory behaviors or social constructs that cause harm. We must be able to call out these systems that oppress us by being predatory in our communities.
Sexual Education:
Sexual Education:
Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their ability to consent and stop unwanted or dangerous behavior from others.
"I want to have sex!" - said every person when they first experience a sexual desire, which is a very normal part of growing up and entering puberty/adolescence. We want to be clear that before interacting with someone else's body you need to make sure that you are truly able to make those decisions for yourself, without any pressure from society or others. If you are searching for a way to feel relieved sexually, rather than interacting directly with another person, then masturbation can also be a very crucial step. Many people don't think about it, but if you and your partner are not sure you are ready to share contact, masturbation and mutual masturbation can be options for you.
Sexual acts can be achieved in several different ways, from light touching to penetration. Below we cover the ways in which people can interact with each other's genitalia and how we can better understand these experiences.
Stereotypical Heterosexual Sex:
Typically depicted as a female being responsible for making sure the male is pleasured via vaginal penetration with the penis. Sometimes there is more pressure put on men to perform perfectly when it comes to these kinds of actions. Remembering that both people are typically engaging in sex for pleasure, can allow you to free yourself from the typical ideology of sex and focus on how to effeiciently pleasure each other. This can still mean vaginal penetration by penis, but it can also look like anything else you may desire. Of course, recognizing the wants, needs, and accommodations we need to make for our partners during sex is vital to having proper communication and consent for any sexual act.
Sexual Acts you can do with a Vagina & Vulva:
We should always be making the effort to empower, advocate, and listen to AFAB individuals during sex due to the history of abuse relating to the identity as sexual property.
Mouth and Vulva/Vagina "Cunnilingus" or "Eating someone out":
This is a sexual act typically refers to pleasuring a person with typically female gentialia that stimulate the clitoris by use of the face and mouth. In order to keep safe, make sure you are aware of any mouth or vaginal sickness/diseases that could be transmitted to or from the vulva/ vaginal openning. There are dental dams, which is like a condom but in sheet form for people ot enjoy pleasuring one another, without the risk of transmitting diseases.
Penetration of Vagina:
This is a sexual act, that would be considered the most popular involving AFAB individuals. Whether you are being penetrated by a penis, finger, hands, toy, etc., you should always make sure that the thing entering your body is clean and well-managed to avoid yeast infections, urinary track infections or STIs/STDs. It is well known that female genitalia is typically unable to orgasm during penetration alone. Learning about the microbiome of AFAB bodies can also help when understanding the health risks and cleanliness of the vaginal cavity.
Sexual Acts you can do with a Penis:
Because the penis is considered an external organ, there are still options for it's place in sexual acts, especially when looking into queer sexual acts. It's important to remember that size and shape of typical male genitalia may change during and after erection, and that size it is never something to assign a worth too. All genitalia are created uniquely and it's an important part of all of us, so we should never judge someone based on the appearance of their genitals. Often times sexual acts with a penis and vagina, can potentially lead to only prioritizing the male's pleasure, so its important to talk to your AFAB partner about ways to create pleasure for them as well
Oral Sex with Penis "Blow Job":
This is a sexual act where any person uses their mouth, throat, face, to stimulate and pleasure the penis typically to initiate erection of the penis. This is a common act amoung the younger population to avoid the further sexual acts. It's important to remember never to force someone into oral sex, or vice versa. Communication is always a vital piece of any sexual act.
Penetration: Anal Sex, Vagina Penetration, Penetration of Objects or Toys:
This is in reference to any act where an object/toy or bodily cavity is being penetrated by the penis, typically in the hopes of pleasuring the male. People with a vagina may have trouble trying to have an orgasm during vaginal penetration alone. It's important that people with male and female genitalia know that information going into sexual acts of penetration for the first time.
When having vaginal sex with a penis, there are of course a lot more things to take into account such as protection options (Condoms, Contraception, Getting Tested, etc.) You want to make sure you are being responsible about the way in which you keep your body clean and protected from STIs/STDs and unplanned pregnancy. Pulling out as a contraceptive mechanism doesn't work, and we have more information about that in the protection options page linked above.
When having anal sex with a penis, there are definitely some things to take into account, such as the need to clean yourself off after. Some people use anal washes with water to avoid contact with fecal matter during sex. Anal sex can be planned for, but not everyone is going to have time, so keeping yourself clean afterwards is important. You can always use Condoms as a form of protection against fecal matter, blood transfer, STDs, and STIs. Make sure you are asking your partners about their STI/STD status, and get tested often, and take the correct precautions.
Important to Keep in Mind:
Using enough and the correct lubricant is vital, as the anus does not provide mucus or lubricant for sexual acts.
When engaging in any activity that includes penetrating an object, please make sure this is its intended purpose. There are plenty of sex emergency accidents that occur due to using inappropriate objects as sex toys. NEVER use anything glass or non-stretchable.
Anal Sex can cause hemorrhoids both externally and internally, which can release blood and other fluids into the anal cavity, and may require medical help if they stay long-term.
Sexual Acts you can do with the Anus/Anal Cavity (butt):
When being involved with the anal cavity there are several precautions to take. We recommend using cautious protection such as condoms and dental dams to prevent transmittable diseases. There is no reason that we should fear or judge sex acts, even if they aren't pleasurable or comfortable for us.
Penetration of the anal cavity:
We have discussed a lot of the ways that you can penetrate the anal cavity, but of course this is something that applies to everyone. We want to stress that the anal cavity is a muscle and if the object you use for penetration is not intended for that use, it may be enveloped by the anal cavity muscles, which can require immediate medical attention. When doing anything involving the anus please take any and all precautions.
Important to Keep in Mind:
Using enough and the correct lubricant is vital, as the anus does not provide mucus or lubricant for sexual acts.
When engaging in any activity that includes penetrating an object, please make sure this is its intended purpose, and has a flared base. There are plenty of sex emergency accidents that occur due to using inappropriate objects as sex toys. NEVER use anything glass or non-stretchable.
Anal Sex can cause hemorrhoids both externally and internally, which can release blood and other fluids into the anal cavity, and may require medical help if they stay long-term.
Oral sex and the anal cavity:
When performing any kind of oral sex on the anus there are a lot of things to take into account, such as cleansliness, health, etc. We always want to get the consent of others before touching them in new places. Make sure that you are communicating effectively with the people you are engaging in sexual acts with.
How do I talk to someone about having sex?
How do I talk to someone about having sex?
When talking to someone about having sex, it's important to both be straight forward about your wants, but also take things slow. When you are enjoying someone's company, there can be several factors in their choice to have sex. Respecting someone's answer and being conscious about the way you respond to their answer, is the way to make sure that you aren't putting someone in an uncomfortable position. Be respectful of any boundaries that asking or discussing sex may create for you and this person.
Of course read your situation, don't rudely ask just anyone you meet about sexual acts, unless you are both consenting in that direction.
How do I respect someone and bring up sexual feelings?
How do I respect someone and bring up sexual feelings?
When you are trying to talk to someone about your feelings and you want to keep it respectful, there are a few things to start with. Make sure that you are being a trusting and caring person for this individual. Making sure that you actually think about your sexual feelings about this person is key, you don't want to ignore the ways you actually feel. This can be harmful to yourself and the other person, if the understanding for the sexual acts are not similar. Make sure you are communicating effeciently, even if it seems like too much. Many people would not prefer the lack-of-communication that some sexual relationships have.
"WHAT IS SEX? " Video
Fully-comprehensive sexual education video that goes from the basics through queer identities and sexual experiences. She also deconstructs types of relationships, identities, virginity, and typical sexual stereotypes.
"How do I Come? Everybody comes Weird."
Understand the orgasm, accessibility of sexual pleasure, and differences in AFAB experiences during orgasm. Discusses safe masturbation practices.
Specifically mentions POTS effects on orgasms and health.
"HOW TO HAVE LESBIAN SEX- Lesbian Sex 101"
Typical female anatomy video, enthusiastic consent conversation, learning new bodies with care, and learning relationship types.
(Planned Parenthood)
Planned Parenthood Sexual Health Glossary (From Different Health Conditions to Activism Information)
Planned Parenthood Sexual Health Glossary (From Different Health Conditions to Activism Information)
An orgasm is a neurological event that occurs when peak pleasure is reached, this can be caused by several different actions or even the lack of any actions. Many people experience orgasms during masturbation or sexual acts with others. It's important to remember that everyone's route to an orgasm is different and when having sex you are trying to figure out the best route to get there. Orgasms are completely normal, but are different in mode or way, based on what sex or genitalia being stimulated.
Orgasms typically provide a physical relief of emotions, stress, and other build up tension in the body. It is very healthy for the body to experience orgasms unless you have a heart or neurological condition where you have been instructed otherwise. If you have a cardiological or neurological medical condition or diagnosis, talk to your doctor about orgasms and your safety when experiencing them.
When having sex with other people it is important to know about Consent and the ways of obtaining consent continuously. You also may want to consider the protection options you have for protecting again sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or infections (STIs). If you have questions about sexual desires or sex, that is completely normal, as no one has the answers until the ask. (In this case the internet, LOL). Information on getting tested and contraception is also important when deciding who and how to engage in sex.
AFAB bodies may experience orgasms by internal and/or external stimulation of the clitoris.
AMAB bodies may experience orgasms by erection followed by ejaculation of semen or 'cum' from the penis.
(If the ejaculation process is done in or after being in a vaginal canal, there is a chance of pregnancy, without contraception.)
Sexual Fantasies:
Sexual Fantasies:
All of us have sexual fantasies, they are part of the brains development. Most people think about their identities and expression when it comes to sex, in the beginning of puberty and into adolescence. Reminding ourselves of imagination's lack of reality, and the consent we require from others and ourselves, allows us to detach these fantasies from real life. No one is ever obligated to be with you due to your liking of them, but there are still appropriate ways of approaching these feelings.
It's important to remind ourselves the ways that media and online sources can steer us in the wrong direction (even us). All of your preference comes with time and place, as well as needs of you and others. Try to remember how lots of free or mainstream porn or views of sex in media, are hideously inaccurate and depict unattainable standards for sex and worthiness. Porn can be positive way of expressing sexual urges, but there are really hurtful effects of watching porn or being exposed to porn at a young age. There is no reason to give yourself any expectation for sexual interaction because it will be different with everyone person on the planet. We recommend staying away from porn, unless you are an adult and understand your needs.
Masturbation is a term most people use to refer to self-pleasuring and the normality of pleasure centered health. There are a lot of ways that each of us keeps ourselves sexually safe, and masturbation is the number one. Because masturbation focuses on self-pleasure it is known to help reconnect with the self, lessen anxiety, lessen blood-pressure, and have positive mental health effects. There is no reason for anyone to demonize the safeness of touching yourself for pleasure. There is no age or time where touching yourself should be considered inappropriate. Finding a way to have a stable and healthy relationship with our ability to pleasure ourselves, allows us to communicate that with others and know your worth. If you are confused about your body and what's best for you, it is okay to bring these kinds of questions up with a doctor or trusted guardian.
Discussing masturbation should be a more open topic, but it can be scary for some people to share those experiences with others. There is a lot of social systems that can hinder our relationship with sexuality and self, but we have to break past social norms and discuss the uncomfortable. Masturbation is such a normal part of human development that many poets and literature has even revolved around the ideas of masturbation and fantasy.
Only when you obtain consent should masturbation can be done with or around people you would like to have sexual acts with. Sometimes we aren't ready to touch one another and we may choose to start with mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is another fluid safe sexual act that people can do together if they aren't sure about touching one another yet.
What are vibrators and sex toys, and why do people use them? Well it goes back to the idea of increasing pleasure, and typically we are discussing self-pleasure. However, many people use these devices when doing sexual acts together. Vibrators are typically used on external female genitalia (clitoris, vulva, vaginal openning), and sometimes also used as a penetrative object for all sexes. When it comes to toys there are thousands of ways that toys are designed and selected. Typically they are dependent on the ways you most often participate in sex. Dildos are a toy typically referring to the object form of male genitalia (penis and phalic shapes). There are also other things made specifically for anal penetration. Anal beads, are a very common form of anal penetration toys that are used typically during other vaginal penetration.
When choosing toys we want to go for materials that are BODY SAFE. Make sure that when purchasing any item you are looking for the materials that will keep you and your partner's safe. Make sure to be careful when choosing super low price options and the ways certain plastics can effect you.
There are other realms of toys that are based in the kinks and personal prefence in realms of sexual activities. It's important to remember than none of these toys are required to have a pleasurable sexual experience with yourself or others. However, when it comes to the stigmatization of self-pleasure, we want to make it clear that toys and vibrators are completely normal to have. If you are experiencing sexual desires, using toys to experiment for what you actually like, may help you communicate your desires to sexual partners in the future. Using toys is an easy way to suffice sexual urges, and have a better connection with yourself.
Planned Parenthood Sexual Health Glossary (From Different Health Conditions to Activism Information)
Planned Parenthood Sexual Health Glossary (From Different Health Conditions to Activism Information)
The website above was provided by a person emailing us directly, it has a fully comprehensive directory to all of the Women and Children's Domestic Violence Shelters in the world, and links on where to find them. We are grateful that resources like this exist, but we also acknowledge that the oppressions and accessibility to these resources is directly what impacts someone's ability to be able to get any help at all.
Introduction on website:
Introduction on website:
"Domestic violence exploded during the first two months of the COVID-19 outbreak. In the U.S., there was a 30% increase in spousal/partner abuse towards women, and the U.K. saw a similar increase as well – 25%. Similarly, there has been an uptick in violence against men and the elderly, with financial strain caused by the pandemic being noted as the main stressor in domestic situations. Still, there is no updated, comprehensive resource that tells you where to go if you are suffering such horrible violence, or know someone who is a victim."
There is always more research being done!
There is always more research being done!
If you would like to help us write about commonly silenced areas or personal experiences you may have with these topics, contact us at thisisactivism2023@gmail.com or fill out our Comments page. We want our website to be a continuous growth of knowledge to share with each other in a positive way. There are so many things we don't talk about and we should!
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