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People You Can Trust.
People You Can Trust.
Knowing who to go to in a given situation and who to talk to about your private life with, is an important skill for people to develop, it can also be a challenge sometimes. Often times we are gifted with caring individuals that help us navigate our way through life's toughest battles. However, it is not always clear at first on how the people in our lives will respond to certain situations as we are, at the end of the day all human beings with emotions that often cloud our judgement and actions. So the question is, often asked, Who should I talk to?
To dive deeper, we must acknowledge that all situations are unique to each person's experiences and individual perception. As We go on to discuss several of the most common scenarios people need help discussing, we encourage you to keep this in mind and to give us any feedback you might have on whether or not our content was helpful for you!
How do I know If I am having an appropriate conversation?
How do I know If I am having an appropriate conversation?
1- Are healthy boundaries being set/ or are healthy boundaries being assumed?-
If the person you are conversing with, (or vice versa) is asking about something private or personal- are they making sure to not assume an answer or put pressure on you to answer if you are uncomfortable. When they (or you) are navigating a difficult/ personal conversation, are they asking about what you're comfortable with sharing, or making sure you are given space to express any boundaries present. Also important to see how others (and yourself) respond to boundaries being set. Sometimes it can seem frustrating, but no person owes you an explanation for the way they choose to assess a discussion. You have every right to set boundaries in communication, sometimes that can take some reiteration or rewording to make sure someone understands. It's important for us to help those who are interested in learning how to care for the conversations we decide to have, rather than get upset when people forget or misunderstand a boundary. We have to learn to remind ourselves of the boundaries our peers set, so that we can best serve them as we want them to serve us in conversation.
2- If the person I am talking to has a large age difference to me (especially if I am younger than 18), a parent of a friend, teacher/professor, is a higher-up coworker/boss, or person I am engaging business with, how do they (& I) handle professional conversations?
If a person you are conversating with has a professional, or expected to hold decorum during your conversations look out for tendencies of being off topics of the need to engage. This can look like asking you personal questions that are more personal than professional, such as topics of sexual nature, topics of extremely comfortable association with you, use of manipulative language -even if not engaged or joked about-, and many other forms.
You want to look for the green flags: keeping strictly to business, (if you are <18) making sure they mention letting your parents know they texted or reached out to you, letting you have space if you are unable to respond immediately, putting little to no pressure on you to be overtly personal in your answers. These people should also be keeping any stress they are experiencing out of your conversation. When asking for a day off, a boss shouldn't need to ask you why or what the need is. (Of course some coworker relationships will grow over time, its still important to know your rights.) There should be no themes of jealously or anger arising from the conversation at hand that is focused on the response of yourself. Manipulation is often easily played off as beind upset or sad about something that is directly related to them being owed more insight into your life, this is never the case. People who are trying to have healthy conversations should keep your private life in mind, by keeping it out of mind, and reminding themselves that they can't ask you to identify that.
3- When this person engaged me (if I didn't respond with the want to continue the conversation):
Did this person make sure to give me space to decide whether or not I wanted to continue to engage? Sometimes people will try their best to keep a conversation going because of the presence of others being low, this isn't a bad tendency and can often be appreciated. But make sure if you do not want to continue the engagement, that you express that explicitly and honestly with as little animosity as possible. If this person does not acknowledge that boundary or end of the conversation, you can choose to re-evaluate the reason why you decided to not engage, or you can re-iterate that fact and walk away or attempt to remove yourself from the situation. It's also okay to call on others around you if someones bothering you to the point of which they are crossing previously set boundaries.
(If it is a virtual conversation, you can block and often report phone #s, accounts, and close other online routes of communication with the user in question. We also have a page on avoiding predators if you'd like to check that out.)
Parent/Guardian
Parent/Guardian
There can be a lot of perceived parent-child boundaries when it comes to conversation and understanding of one another. However, this does not have to be the case, as many parents can be extremely dangerous to talk to. If you believe that you are better off talking to the parent of a friend, or investigating the trust you have in the other adults in your life. Any adult involved in or around your life should be able to discuss difficult topics and they are able to reach the appropriate channels to report, or keep you safe via other mechanisms.
Therapist
Therapist
Therapist are a great tool for people to discuss their emotions in a healthy manner, however there are things to be aware of regarding patient-confidentiality, expecially for individuals under the age of 18. Mental health professionals are there for everyone, and they are also the best tool for the most difficult topics. They have the professional training to keep us safe, and prevent the reoccurrence of the harm or problem we are facing. Most places have laws in place for the protection of minors that require therapist to report certain information to the child's legal Guardian. Specifically if you are harming yourself or others.
Siblings
Siblings
Sibling relationships are uncanny in comparison to other relationships. You want to make sure that you are respecting each other while keeping a playful relationship. Sometimes there will be hard decisions to make about telling on one another or keeping each other's secrets, but should always be done if safety is in question. Siblings should be able to know that their parents care about them no matter what, so some unbalanced sibling love from parental figures can be uneasy on the sibling relationship.
Friends
Friends
You should be able to tell your friends anything, however it is important to understand a persons moral standings. It's key to know what they stand for when having conversations with each other. Friends should be trustworthy, and have a good sense of keeping an open mind while caring about your safety. Sometimes things even when sworn to secret will be spoken if in a situation where it's in question. Which means you have to make sure you are aware that anything you tell anyone, has the potential to fall into another converstion amongst parents, siblings, partners, or other friend groups.
Teachers
Teachers
Our educators are responsible for the standardized lessons we learn in our school systems. Many students feel they can reach out to their teachers and many times, teachers can be a great help in this way. However it is important to remember that teachers, as a worker of the state & district, are required to report any information regarding self-harm as well as anything regarding harming other people or acts of vandalism/ threats to the school or anyone within the school.
Spiritual Guidance
Spiritual Guidance
If you are speaking with a Rabbi, Priest, Decon, or designated member of your faith, it's important to remind yourself that they can not be someone who spreads your information to the community. Religious persons are typically going to counsel you on how to make decisions in your situation depending on your religious identity. Most times this information can be very intimate and useful, but it is important (even when you feel in trouble) to call out grooming from elders when boundaries are being crossed. Reaching out to your trusted religious community members can be a great way to get advice, and with the right precautions of understanding boundaries you can avoid any manipulative situation.
How do we build trust?
How do we build trust?
Our entire lives are directed by where we have trust and whom has trust in us. Trust is difficult, because in many ways we lose and gain trust all the time. It's something we learn as we go. We will all lose trust in others, and likely someone will lose trust in us. However, its the consistency of trustworthiness that allows us to be trusted or trust others. If you do something that breaks someone's trust, then stay your distance until they can begin to trust you again. An apology is always going to be the best way to go, but please be mindful of how you discuss It's important to make sure that as you grow in relationships with other people, that you discuss trust and what it means in your relationship specifically.
Trust between parents and children will be different at every stage in life, but you want to make sure that you know when safety and necessity overlooks the misdoings you are participating in. If you are at a party and not at the friend's house you said you would be- Does someone else you trust know you are there? Does a sibling know where you are? Could your parents find you if you didn't come home? If not, how are you going to take precautions at the party to know at what point you may need ot come clean with your parents to get a safe ride home, or if you feel effects of drugs you weren't expecting. Where a lot of parents may be upset about the lie of where you are, they will trust you more that you made the right decision to call and get help than allow yourself to be in harms way. This seems super backwards, but driving accidents, drug overdoses, and gun violence make up for a large number of teenage deaths; so it's important for all of us to take precautions when in a place where we may be less aware of these things as they happen.
Trust in a relationship, should be based off of the building of trustful actions. You can't build trust overnight, it takes months, and years to prove that you are a trustful source of friendship, love, romantic love, etc. You have to make the tough decision of knowing when it is and is not appropriate to trust others, often times we choose with our hearts, which can both lead us in the right and wrong direction. Trust your intuition, but also take into account the commonalities of opinions from people around you. Asking the people who see you from the outside view about your situation can often give you a raw and sometimes rough look at your relationships or life. This of course does NOT mean that any one person should tell you what to do in a relationship, but comparing multiple answers will be most likely to give you something to think about. If you think you are in a manipulative or abusive relationship there are always ways to safely discuss these tendencies with your partner if you feel comfortable, or if you need to exit the relationship even when its extremely tough.
Knowing what kinds of relationships we have with the people around us can be very important. Our page on Relationships explains some of the ways that we can identify or relationships with others, but also how these relationships may effect us and the people around us. Avoiding Predators can also be something to look into that we prefer that all individuals prepare for.
What is Equity?
What is Equity?
Equity as a concept differentiates from equality in that it is a way for us to view the necessity of not having equal support for each person, but rather finding the way for everyone to have equal access to the support they may need to meet their basic human needs and have access to the spaces and resources necessary for human spiritual health. A goal of equity is to acknowledge how the trades that we make of our energy for a common goal, may not always look equal, but have similar weight to each person and their ability to contribute. Equity is a large piece to understanding the best ways we can create more accessible spaces, as well as essential to addressing various kinds of power imbalances relating to hierarchies of race, class, citizenship, sexuality, assigned gender status, ability, and more.
This page has a step by step list of different kinds of abuse and how to recognize it within a relationship. It has very helpful resources, and is based in the United Kingdom, allowing some Americans peace-of-mind when using this resource. Of course they are unable to directly help, their resources are much better than whats available to USA citizens.
Talk-Now Resources are located at the foot note of each page on the THIS IS ACTIVISM website.
Talk-Now Resources are located at the foot note of each page on the THIS IS ACTIVISM website.
Other pages like this:
Other pages like this:
There is more research being done to finish this page, please be patient with us.
There is more research being done to finish this page, please be patient with us.
If you would like to help us write about commonly silenced areas or personal experiences you may have with these topics, contact us at thisisactivism2023@gmail.com or fill out our Comments page. We want our website to be a continuous growth of knowledge to share with each other in a positive way. There are so many things we don't talk about and we should!
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